Some may call it reverse psychology. Others may call it mind control. I just call it pure wisdom.
Welcome to another Marriage Monday! I’m so thrilled you’ve come back for more encouragement and biblical insight to strengthen and unify your marriage, because, really, we need more of that.
We’re continuing on through Darlene Schacht’s awesome book Messy, Beautiful Love (aff link) and I know you have been just as blessed by it’s jam-packed wisdom as I have. This week we are being inspired by chapter twelve, “Build a Strong Friendship.”
But, if you haven’t even picked up your own copy, or have a clue what in the world I’m talking about because you stumbled over here from Pinterest, or some other awesome place on the web-o-sphere, you are in for a treat. You can just jump right in with us here and now, and your marriage can still be blessed; book reading not required =0).
Hold on tight, gird up your loins, strap yourself down and buckle in. Sometimes things get messy when we are dealing with the heart, and I don’t want you to fall out of your chair (you might get hurt, and that would really be unfortunate!). Ready for world domination in your home? I know I am!
17 Ways to Dominate in Your Husband’s Heart
So, mind control, right? Maybe not something you’d associate with marriage? I’m thinking you may have your head turned sideways, like a confused Shih-tzu puppy told to sit for the first time.
Here’s the jist.
Have you ever realized that it’s really hard to hate someone who is always incredibly kind?
That a person who repeatedly acts in loving and generous ways has a way of sneaking themselves quietly into the crevices of your heart, planting themselves there like a vine at the foot of a tree, gradually and slowly winding around your heart and entwining themselves with you?
This is what I want you to be to your husband. End. of. post. (okay…just kidding).
But, seriously, I want you to be an infectious disease of love and support, kindness and encouragement, generosity and determination, strength and dignity.
Related Post to Check Out: How to Be the Kind of Christian the World REALLY Needs
Because, this is exactly how God loves us, and we are His people, meant to mimic His Ways.
I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” ~ John 15: 5
This kind of creeping invasion of the heart is a slow, gradual, strategic plan to take over, and it must be carried out with small, careful steps.
This is your mission as a wife and helpmeet. To learn to become a continual stream of love, support, kindness, and truth. The single-greatest cheerleader for one man for the whole of his life.
Whether you choose to accept your mission is up to you.
It may not be a foolproof plan, but for the good men, who love God, these tips are gold!
I can only help to point you in the direction of heart domination. I can only give you a few ideas to spur you in the right direction.
I know, though, that with a little ingenuity and creativity, you can implant yourself into his heart, and position your marriage to thrive for many decades to come.
17 Tips for Heart Domination
- Ask him how his day has been, and then genuinely listen as he tells you (regardless of if your day has been terrible or not).
- When you are in the kitchen getting food or a drink, ask him if he wants something, and then bring it to him.
- Offer him a back rub.
- Take the trash out if it’s something he typically does, simply as a show of thanks and appreciation…no passive-aggression allowed!
- When he asks you to do something, even if you are in the middle of blow-drying your hair, stop what you are doing, and respond immediately with a joyful attitude.
- When you are out for a quick errand, call him and see if he wants you to grab something for him.
- Any time you pass him at home, make it a physical encounter: touch his hand, caress his back, graze his leg, grab his butt. Make him know you are aware of his presence.
- When you know he is having a bad day, take the time to bless him and reinforce your love (try to stick to things you know he loves).
- Laugh at his jokes.
- Choose to use words of gratitude in the midst of trials, especially those related to finances (he bears a burden of the heart for provision, and complaints only bring him down more). **Check out this post for more on this: Are You Using Your Tongue to Speak Death, or Life?
- Before he comes home, step into the bathroom and get ready to present yourself to him (like Queen Esther before the King). Make sure you have put on deodorant today. Brush your hair. Brush your teeth. Maybe put on a dab of lip gloss, a spray of perfume, or some mascara; whatever kinds of things he tends to appreciate and you genuinely enjoy doing!
- Thank him (honestly) for what he has done today, even if it was small and seemingly insignificant.
- Pray for him. Pray for his honor and blessing at work. Pray for his strength and wisdom. Pray for his peace and patience of heart. Pray for his health and relationship with God. **See more in this post: Dear Wife, Your Husband Needs Your Prayers
- Celebrate with him! When he is joyful and thrilled about something, choose to be excited right along with him, whether or not it is something you naturally care about. Care about the things he cares about.
- Think about all the things you love, admire, appreciate, or consider honorable aspects of who he is. Dwell on these things throughout the day and talk about them to your children and family members, or any random person who you meet. (Phil. 4: 9 in action…)
- Make him dinners that he likes.
- Be respectful in your speech towards him, no matter what.
Related Post: Simple Encouragement to be a Godly Wife to Your Husband
Successful Invasion Underway
If you are diligent to do these things, and not allow the failures of your husband to destroy your efforts, you, too, will pave the way for a successful marriage, one small step at a time.
Remember, you do your part, and let God and your husband work on his.
“She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” ~ Prov. 31: 27
If you want to help other women become heart dominators, share this post! Spread the word.
And, if you loved the post and were helped, comment below and tell me all about it! Love!
Remember: No spouse can carry both sides of the marital equation on their own. This post is intended to help guide you on YOUR part as wife, but it cannot account for the heart of your husband. That is between his walk with God alone. Even the best and most loving wife is not in control of the heart of her husband.
The best we can ever truly do is work on learning to practice self-control, and then pray for our husbands to do the same. Keep trusting and looking up, even if hard decisions need to be made and boundaries need to be held. No matter what your path is, He is with you.
Great post Julie!
testing to see if my comments are coming through yet…
Yay!!! It went through! Great post! Definitely one im sure I’ll come back to time and time again for reminders:-)
Awesome! Thrilled to hear it
Love this list! Found your blog at MMM- I blog over at rebuildingthewell.com Can’t wait to go through your blog!
Julie Filter says
Yay! I’m thrilled to hear it
Katie Ambrose says
Beautiful! And helps me realize, while I’m by no means perfect, I’m on the right path. Thank you!!!
Julie Filter says
I did all those things with First husband. Three kids, worked nights-did all tasks B4 I left for evening. All he had to do; play with kids in our pool. Dinner ws ready when he came home, house, laundry, ALL done. Put them To bed..that was it…TOO MUCH..HE HAD 0000 TIME FOR ME…I BE CAME INVISIABLE…. GREAT SPOUSE NOW…HE DOES ALL THOSE FOR ME TOO!!!!
Julie Filter says
I’m sorry to hear that your first husband struggled with fulfilling his part too. I agree that husbands are responsible for their actions, completely, but since this blog is not targeted to men, and I think a lot of care needs to be present when pointing fingers at others, this post was focused on the role of a wife, and not what a husband ought to do. As a wife, it is not our place to attempt to force our husbands to obey God, but to love them as though they are and then to pray without ceasing for hearts to be changed. This is not to say that we ought to allow ourselves or our children to remain in deadly situations, but those which are emotionally troublesome need to be constantly placed into the hands of our Abba. It is surely no easy road at all, but I’ve watched many marriages be changed over time when love is put forth and the Truth is spoken in love while the wife is fully focused on obedience to Yahweh. Sometimes wives are called to address selfishness in husbands, but many times we must accept their flaws as part of their fallen nature. There’s sin and then there’s simply a lack of understanding, and they are not to be held as the same thing. I’m glad you’re second marriage is a blessing to your heart. And I’m thankful for you that you’ve been able to move to a blessed place. Shalom.
I am married. Been 13 years now. I have three kids. I do all the things that are mentioned above. I make him feel comfortable at home.guve him good food and clean home. My kids are very good at school and bring good results. I stay all day at home doing all the chores. Still he never takes me out or buy me anything until I ask for it. He never speaks any words of appreciation. That breaks my heart. He sometimes compares me with his colleagues wives. I bet if given chance and same circumstances I can be way better then them. Sometimes I feel that am invisible for him.
First, is your husband a believer? If not, he may or may not be sensitive to these various things. Second, do you confront these things with your husband in a loving manner to help him understand that he hurts you when he says such things? And that you have a desire to feel appreciated from him, too? I mentioned at the bottom of the post that there is only so much that is under our control, which is namely our own choices, actions, and behaviors. But, you also have a right to work to discuss and bring understanding between your spouse and you through loving confrontation. I know that marriage is not always easy, but if your husband is committed to the marriage than bringing your frustrations and concerns to him in love is the best thing you can do for your marital health. It may not be easy. It may not go as planned. But, confrontation is often a necessary catalyst for growth and change within relationships. I encourage you to pray over what needs to be said and to seek the Lord for the timing to discuss it. Hugs, sweet sister. I am sorry for your pain, but know that God is with you as you navigate the murky waters.
Thank you for this post. It is very moving and full of great reminders. As I sit just a couple of weeks away from a finalized divorce that he wants, I WiFi I could have seen past so much resentment and been more loving, accepting and encouraging. I continue to pray for a miracle. I have loved in all of these ways but so much pain and hurt mixed in with the trials that life presents —added to a man who hasn’t come to fully know His love —all of it has brought us to where we are. I feel I’ve learned so much through losing the love of my husband. Sad but true.. Either way, God is working in my favor as I’ve begun to lean more into Him and I am working to prepare for the next chapter. This post is beautiful and I’m so grateful for it. Thank you.
I am sorry to hear about your scenario, but I think you hit the nail on the head. You can only do your part in the marriage relationship. It is a partnership of mutual respect, so both parties must lean into the fullness of the relationship for it to fully blossom. But, I praise alongside with you that our Abba can redeem even this season for you, whether that be in a totally new season for your life, or with a redemption of the hurt relationship that is ending for a time right now. Hold tightly to Him every step of the way and He will surely cover you each day. Hugs, sweet sister. And thank you for writing. It always blesses my soul immensely.
If I was half of that listed above my husband would be very satisfied with life. I realize what a good man he is after reading this. Thank you:)
Awww I’m glad Lena. I really understand the struggle that you face. I’ve been there. It’s easy to see the things that don’t get done, but it takes an intentionally turning to the Spirit to have new eyes to see all the things we actually have in our lives, and give thanks for them. I applaud your humility to recognize where you can amend yourself to better strengthen your own behavior towards your husband. I know the Lord will bless your efforts all the more when they are done with a pure heart. Blessings, sister.
He Said I Have His Heart says
This is a good,common sense article.Very helpful to one who is just finding the resouces about this part.It will certainly help educate me.
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