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This Holy Chaos

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Is God Disappointed with Me When I Struggle?

Do you ever ask yourself “Is God disappointed with me?” I know I do, or I have, a lot…especially lately….
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The 30 Days of Prayer series has been an awesome hit! I've been asked if groups can use it for a women's study and have been contacted internationally about the various … Read More... about 30 Days of Prayer

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I don’t know when it finally struck me. I’m

I don’t know when it finally struck me. I’m sure it was somewhere between the cries for more oatmeal and help with a math lesson and the toys strewn across the floor and the crying baby nearby.

“Oh, my dear God. I cannot do this!”

The weight of the feeling just sat there, quietly telling me that there was just no way I was ever going to be able to meet all of the demands of all of my children all of the time. So, I was exhausted. And drained.

Empty.

I mean, isn’t that what a good mom does? Keep her children happy…?

There was just no way. Not with five children ages seven and under, a household to care for, a husband to love, and somewhere in there, me, myself, and I (who was quickly becoming a person I didn’t recognize anymore).

Somewhere in the mess and the chaos I internally threw my hands up and cried out to the Lord:
“HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS?!?!”

And, quietly, in His still small voice, the Truth rang out in my heart:

“Don’t strive to be perfect for all of them. Just seek to be good enough and leave the rest to me. Don’t try to be a perfect mom…Just be good enough.”

Huh. Good enough. What in the world does that mean?! (Continued in blog post. Link in bio…”Need to be the Perfect Mom? Just Be Good Enough.”)

#homemaker #soulcare #momlife #motherhood #homeschoolmom #largefamilymom #honestmotherhood #honestmom #boundaries #spiritualmaturity

For about ten years I’ve learned the importance

For about ten years I’ve learned the importance of godly boundaries the hard way. My internalized lessons from childhood were to be quiet and never rock the boat. Just be nothing, say nothing, and have no opinion lest someone disagree and attack.

But there is nothing loving about this behavior, not for me nor for others. If it were flipped and I expected others to behave that way then I would be a narcissist who never wanted to be contradicted or disagree with. I would expect people to bow to me “or else”….

And God wanted to free me from that cycle of thinking. The destructive and self-debilitating belief that my opinions, ideas, preferences, and thoughts did not matter, and were not worthy of being spoken or shared. In essence, that my value and worth were as nothing.

How beautiful it is that God makes us uniquely in His image; men and women with unique personalities and giftings purposed to glorify Him. Sadly we often fall far from this purpose, believing lies and subtleties that sound “wise” but are wrapped up in untruths meant to constrict and bind us up in our sins.

My greatest sin: fear of man. It bound me and gagged me and silenced me. It entangled me in confusion and condemned me in slippery slopes. And this is right where Satan wants all of us.

But God is a God of holiness and Truth, boundaries and love, justice and mercy. He meets us in our pits, teaches us how to see clearly, and draws us out with His lovingkindness, but only when we are willing to see clearly, accept our fallen, broken, sinful nature, and call for Him in repentance.

What a gift that He always answers. How astounding that no sin is too far gone for His mercy. What amazing grace He offers to those who seek Him.

No matter what lies you are dealing with today, sweet sister, call to Him and seek His face. Listen for His still, small voice. Read His Word for Truth and wisdom. And begin the work to renew the mind.

He is with you. You are not alone. Shalom.

#homemaker #homemaking #largefamilymom #soulcare #faithwalk #firstlove #spiritualmaturity #spiritualgrowth #boundaries #homeschoolmom

Fall gardening is my favorite gardening. So low m

Fall gardening is my favorite gardening. So low maintenance with such amazing results.

When life gets super stressful and heavy, the garden reminds me of God’s faithfulness. He is so good to us in our times of trial, and when things are hard He steps in to carry us.

If you, too, are in a season of needing to be carried, He’s with you and will uphold you. You don’t have to be strong; He’s strong enough for both of you.

Hugs.

#homemaker #homeschoolmom #homemaking #soulcare

This morning I felt like an utter failure. My kids

This morning I felt like an utter failure. My kids were being rowdy, my special needs son has seemed to forget everything we’ve worked on in math for the past six months, and my pregnancy hormones were absolutely getting the best of me.

To top it all off, I had an ugly lie being whispered in my ear telling me that I “should” be better than this.

Satan can be a total jerk.

It took a while but the wise thing to do was to take a break and reset. I folded some laundry, made our bed, and just took a breather from the emotional tumult that had assaulted me.

Then I had to face what was really going on…somewhere inside of my deepest self was the belief that if I’m truly doing my best then I will experience the best in my children.

And this is a LIE. A big, fat, ugly, horrible lie.

We have a lot of antagonistic voices that can access our inner peace today. We have a lot of subtle mandates for what a good homemaker/wife/mother “should” look like.

But the Truth is that the only audience that our eyes ought to be fixed on is an audience of One: God.

He is patient, kind, loving, peaceful, calm, and ALWAYS knows what we (and our children) truly need.

So, if today you are struggling with not being “good enough” or fulfilling what you “should” be, it’s time to disconnect from the wrong influences and reconnect to the One that matters most.

Stand firm, mama. He is with you ❤️

#homemaker #homemaking #soulcare #homeschoolmom #largefamilylife #largefamilymom #slowdown #simpleliving #gracefilled

In all Christian circles, we are told to trust God

In all Christian circles, we are told to trust God. Sometimes it is said flippantly; other times some fall back cliche, but even though it is sung like a worn-out song, the Truth is still valid: trust God.

I know how hard it can be to hear those words. Kids are going crazy, the house feels like it is a chaotic wreck, finances are in shambles, and Johnny needs a new pair of shoes.

I’ve walked so many seasons of trial and adversity, you would think that I would be a champ at applying this basic faith principle, but apparently not.

Trust is a lesson best learned on repeat.

You see, here’s the thing: in order for trust to be established in a relationship, the person in question must prove their faithfulness and trustworthiness in handling the heart and protection of the other. In order for this to occur, there must be some kind of trial or struggle that emerges in order for the other person to show their trustworthiness.

As a Christian, this means that in order for God to prove that He is faithful, He has to let us walk through some seriously murky waters...(continue reading on the blog post - "Trust God…Especially When Everything is Falling Apart")

**Click the link in bio!

The 9 week belly is bumping with baby #8, and afte

The 9 week belly is bumping with baby #8, and after a peaceful and enjoyable 40th birthday, it feels appropriate to reflect on these past decades of life experience to give thanks.

We have been blessed with 7 wonderful children. They are not without their struggles or humanity, but the image of God built within the fabric of their design is so unique to each child and their gifted talents and strengths. While we raise them and teach them, we have little to do with who God created each one to be. We are in far less control than we like to think as parents.

None of us needs to be superwoman to love our children well. It is ok to say no, have limits, and hold boundaries. While these things can be perceived as selfish, they are not. Don’t let culture dictate your motherhood experience and push you to exhaustion. The Joneses’ can take care of themselves.

Slow down, simplify, and embrace a calmer life. If you can’t take an hour quiet time in your day, you’re probably doing too much. I know it’s hard to find balance, but it is important to maintain most of our peace. If you thrive in the busy, that’s different, but if you’re stressed and overwhelmed, it’s time to cut back ❤️

Love your husband, hug your children, and look for the things to enjoy in your life. They may not always be there, so don’t take foregranted the blessings of today.

Joy is a choice we make each day, so make the choice to enjoy your life ❤️. And if something is out of whack, pray for wisdom and problem solve.

#motherhood #homemaker #homemaking #oldermom #boundaries #largefamily #largefamilylife

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